


Purpose

by merelywren (mrflannery)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-07
Updated: 2014-11-06
Packaged: 2018-02-16 13:46:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 21,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2272014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrflannery/pseuds/merelywren
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A creeping sense of panic was rising in Severus; not knowing what to do with her, where to take her. Somewhere safe that wasn't standing in the bloody corridor at 3 in the morning. — A story of protection and comfort when Severus sees Hermione behaving like someone from his past.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_pur·pose: the reason for which something exists._

* * *

The Granger girl was still there.

Severus had seen her a handful of times wandering the halls, her robes draped over her like a shroud. Her eyes sallow and her face devoid of any joy one would think would be present on her face after the war. He's never seen her in the presence of anyone else, seeming to keep to herself.

He himself has been doing the same. Never thinking he'd make it very long in the war, never planning on coming out alive, makes it hard to actually live once the fear and danger was gone. Severus feels like he's been living off the adrenaline caused by fear for so long that now it's gone...he's left adrift. It's too calm now.

He tires not to leave his quarters in the lower part of Hogwarts any more than he truly needs too, aside from repairing damaged parts of the castle as was his job, but his curiosity had been piqued. He's be reluctant to admit it, but she's caught his attention now that he's seen the dead look in her eyes. Something he's intimately familiar with.  _What's happened to the girl?_  he wonders.

Severus saw her one night, as he was stalking the halls, not able to sleep and needing to get up and move, just to do something. She looked like she was caught in a spell, so still and quiet. He wondered at one point if she was even breathing. He stayed close to the wall and walked towards her with silent steps. Which might have been unnecessary, he didn't think she was really hearing much of anything to begin with.

He stood watching her to see what she'd do but she never moved. Too much time has passed for her to still be standing there. He took a few steps forward, slightly to her right, well within her peripheral. Still, nothing.

Severus was standing next to her now and looking at her profile and a chill went through him. He felt as if he were looking at a statue and not a real, living breathing, young woman. He turned to face the window to see what she was seeing, but there was nothing there save the blackness of night out on the grounds of Hogwarts.

Something was wrong with her. He didn't detect any spells; this was something else entirely. This was brought on by sadness, deeper than a depression that could leave a person listless and unresponsive. She seems to have gone past that point.

"Miss Granger," he said at last, quiet as to not startle her too much. All she did was blink. "Granger. It's time for you to return to your rooms now. It's well past three and freezing besides." He had noticed as he was standing there next to her that the blasted woman had no shoes on. Bare feet on the cold stone. Still, it was as if she couldn't even hear him.

Severus's level of frustration was growing and he wanted nothing more than to return to his own room and pace in front of his fire instead. Yet, he couldn't just leave her here. The thought of casting a warming charm around her and leaving her there left a sick feeling in his stomach and he didn't quite know why. The war may be over but the feeling of never being safe would stay with him it seems.  _What would happen to her if I left her here alone?_  he couldn't stop himself from questioning. He didn't even know where her rooms were. Was she still in Gryffindor, with nostalgia towards her old House? He hadn't a clue.

A creeping sense of panic was rising in Severus; not knowing what to do with her, where to take her. Somewhere safe that wasn't standing in the bloody corridor at 3 in the morning.

He looked behind them, down one length of corridor then down in the other direction. It didn't bring him any comfort not to see anyone else there, like it would normally. The dark, quietness of the hall just made things worse. Granger did not need to be wandering around at odd hours in the dark, lost in her own mind.

He didn't stop to question himself on what he was doing as he reached forward and rested his hand very lightly on her arm. She didn't react as he guided her body to turn away from the window. "You can't be here," he said, even when he knew that she wasn't listening. He moved his arm around to her back across her shoulders and put slight pressure there to move her forward. That was all it took to get her to walk, if a bit slowly. He left his arm there, hovering a bit behind her to guide her along the way.

Suddenly, the feeling of purpose hit him, satisfying something deep in him. It was ridiculous and he pushed the thought away.

Along they went down the corridors and down a few flights of stairs in silence. Not once did Granger speak or make a sound of question or protest which further solidified the knowledge that she should not be out alone. It wasn't safe.

Severus finally stopped her when they reached the entrance to his own living quarters. He paused for only a moment and continued on to lower the wards on his door and usher her inside. She had picked up the movement around her it seemed, as she stopped when he stopped and moved when he moved. Showing at least that she was somewhat aware of what was happeing around her. Severus placed his hand at her back and moved her over to the sofa in his sitting room and pressed lightly down on her shoulder, and she sat.

_Now what do I do?_

He took a step back and looked at her. Granger's head was tilted just barely to one side and down, and it appeared she was staring at the floor. He sighed and went to sit in the armchair next to the sofa. He had wanted earlier to pace here in front of the fire but now all he could do was sit, and wait. He couldn't help wondering what had happen to this young woman to make her so unlike the girl he remembered in his classes. Overachieving and constantly making her presence known in his class with her tiresome hand raising. She never seemed afraid of anything and never held back her opinion in any given situation. This was not that girl. He couldn't quite remember when he last saw her, come to think of it. Looking back, the few times he had spotted her since the war had all been the same; face blank and too quiet.

It wasn't long before her eyes started to droop and it seemed she would fall asleep, sitting there slowly tilting to the side. Severus got up and went to get the throw blanket he usually kept at the foot of his bed. He wasn't concerned with handling her now so he laid her down on the sofa with her head on a small pillow that he kept there and reached down to raise her feet up onto the cushion. He shook out the blanket and laid it on her from foot to shoulder. Her eyes were already closed and she was fast asleep.

He wasn't sure what the best course of action was now. Should he stay here and doze off in his chair or would it be safe to retreat to his own room and bed? What would happen if she woke and panicked at being in an unfamiliar room and alone?  _It's best if I stay here_ , he thought.  _I'd rather not have to deal with an accusing Minerva when Granger runs to her saying she was kidnapped._

Severus moved back to his chair by the fire after removing his outer robes and shoes. Might as well be as comfortable as possible. He leaned his head back and looked at the woman on his sofa through half drawn lids. Never would he have imagined this would be his life after the war. Considering he hadn't pictured  _anything_  after the war, this shouldn't be too surprising, yet here he is sitting in disbelief.

Making sure she was still resting there in relative piece he finally closed his eyes and tired to do the same. It was going to be an interesting morning that was for sure.

* * *

It was some time later while he was staring at the flames when he saw her move out of the corner of his eye. Severus had drifted awake not 20 minutes ago after sleeping in the chair for a few hours. She was just as he had left her only turned more onto her stomach. He turned his head in her direction to watch her wake up and see how she would respond to the new environment. Her movements were slow as she took in what was in front of her. He could see her eyes moving from the fireplace to the mantle to the book shelves lining the walls on either side. She turned her eyes his way and saw him sitting there. Her brow was furrowed in confusion but she didn't speak.

Severus kept his voice low as he explained, "You were unresponsive in the hall two floors up. I'm unaware of where your rooms are...so I brought you here."

Granger looked back to the fire after he spoke, she didn't look surprised at his explanation and he feared this was not the first time she had wandered around lost. "I'm sorry," she said, her voice rough. She sat up with stiff movements placing her feet on the floor once she was upright, keeping the blanket in her lap. Granger looked behind her, taking in the rest of the room and most likely looking for the way out. He'd like a little more information before that though, so he didn't bother pointing out the door for her.

"Would you care to tell me exactly  _why_  I happen to find you staring out the window in a seemingly random hallway at three in the morning? Not really looking at anything, I might add." Severus cut to the chase, since he got the feeling she knew precisely what he was referring to.

Granger was looking at her hands in her lap and running her finders over the blankets surface, smoothing out the wrinkles over her legs. Her voice was quiet and subdued, "Sometimes I can't sleep, that's all."

"Bull," he shot back quickly.

She raised her eyes to look at him properly for the first time that morning. "It's not. It's true, I can't always sleep...so I go for walks. I just-lose track of things sometimes." She looked back down at her hands by the end.

"And by 'things' I'm to assume you mean any sense of time or the environment around you. You were barefoot when I found you with your toes half frozen. Alone and unaware of anything, do you have any idea what could have happened to you? The castle is no longer protected like it once was, anyone could have came walking through and done what they pleased with you." He was starting to get upset again, the same anxiousness from the night before rising in his chest.

"What kind of person do you think would take a stroll through Hogwarts? I can't imagine it being that unsafe." She had a look of disbelief and confusion.

"Just because Voldemort was once and for all banished from this earth you think all the evil in the world went with him?" Severus was leaning forward in his chair now, "His followers are still out there, and the ones who weren't so bold as to take his mark, but kept their beliefs hidden and secret, those are the ones I'd be worried about. They are the ones who had their hopes for a new world shot all to hell and who, I can guarantee, are not at all pleased about it. That kind of anger and resentment has terrible power over a persons judgement. You would be a prime target for all that hate, being a key figure in their Lords demise."  _How can she not see the danger in this? How can she be so flippant?_ he asked himself after his stern remarks.

Granger was still sitting there with a curious look about her, like she was just now seeing him for the first time and puzzling through what he was telling her.

"The war is over," she whispered.

"It will never be over," he didn't even need to think on his reply, it was so plain to him. "You should never let your guard down like you did last night, and what I fear you have done before."

She was getting a bit flustered now and with an edge of frustration, "Thank you for your concern, but I am just fine. Everyone has moments where they get lost in thought and zone out for a time. There's nothing wrong with that and I shouldn't have to be so on guard."

"Oh, yes, my apologies. It's quite normal for someone to 'zone out' for hours and let themselves be led around without a single protest or question." And now he was angry. He didn't understand why this was getting to him so much but he did not like how she was playing this off and making light of the dangers of being so blank to the world around her that she let herself be so vulnerable.

Granger let out a great huff and threw the blanket off her lap and went to stand, taking a moment to get her bearings. "I don't feel like I need to explain myself. Thank you again for your...concern, professor. If you could kindly show me to the door." Her face had taken on a blank look, like she had removed herself from the conversation.

The nerve of this girl stunned Severus. Yes, he would lead her to the door thinking she had ended their argument but he was far from over it.

He stood up slowly from his chair and casually walked around to the back of the sofa, in no hurry what-so-ever, to where she was standing with his eyes never leaving hers. He swept his arm out to the side in a mocking gesture of gentlemanly behavior, "This way,  _Miss_  Granger."

She narrowed her eyes but said nothing as she walked to the door he indicated. Granger wrapped her cloak tightly about her middle and went to the door with one last backward glance at Severus before shutting the door behind her.

With his last view of her, Severus couldn't stop himself from thinking that she looked fragile standing there with her bare feet, and that she was never made to be fragile.

He had to stop this before she broke irrecoverably to pieces.

* * *

As Hermione found her way back to her rooms, she had time to calm down from her strange encounter with Snape. After her unexpected anger and defensiveness that morning she was able to really think about what had happened. She hadn't gotten so worked up in such a long time. It's been so long since she's felt much of anything and she was left reeling a bit.

Unfortunately, she was too familiar with waking up in strange places at this point to be too bothered by finding herself in Snape's rooms.

He was so odd to her. Odd and quite sad. It was done, the war was over now yet he was still geared up and ready to fight any attack that would come his way, as if he expected more opposition and wasn't able to believe that he could step back and take a breath of victory for once. Was he so in denial that he couldn't understand that they had won? Truly won this time? Or was it something worse than that. Was it because being on the defensive for so many years has become a way of life for him, always life or death with him, that he no longer knows how to live without that fear and sense of dread.  _What kind of life would that be? How exhausting._  She can't imagine being always prepared to fight. She can barely get out of bed most mornings let alone always waking up wondering what struggles would face you that day.

Hermione entered her temporary rooms and sat on the rug before the fire and placed her feet and toes as close to the flames as she could manage without burning herself. Her toes were frozen from the walk on the stone floors. She sighed and rubbed at her eyes with the palms of her hands. She had hoped that no one would notice the changes in her. But, seeing as it was only getting worse she really should have figured it would only be a matter of time before someone did. She certainly didn't imagine it would have been Snape. Or that he would have cared as much as he did. She wasn't even sure 'care' was the right word for it, he was more angry than anything.

Hermione knew that there was something wrong with her but she just...didn't care enough. She deserved what was coming to her, she would willingly accept it.

What she did to her parents, and the people she didn't save.  _Her friends_.  _Her family._  The guilt and pain from all that loss had settled on top of her like a snowy avalanche. Buried as she was, she could see the faint like of the sun but the freezing cold numbed her fingers and limbs so much that all she wanted was to close her eyes and let it kill her.

Sorrow affected wizards differently, she had come to realize. Slowly, since the wars end Hermione had been using magic less and less as the days passed till she stopped all together. How could she possibly use something that has caused so much pain?

It took away her parents. She had thought that she was doing the right thing, that it would protect them. But now in the aftermath they were gone from her, almost positively for good. She didn't even know if they were alive. What had been the point of taking their memories when she wasn't even capable of making sure that they had survived? It was her fault that she no longer had them.

She missed them. Desperately.

Her magic was suffering in the face of her loss. It could sense the helplessness, the need to hide from her failures and had put her in a intermittent catatonic state for the past month. She knew it was her magic protecting itself and her as a result. How could she harm herself if she was unable to function enough to do it?

She had fled to Hogwarts. It was the only home she had left.

Hermione knew what would eventually become of her. She was smart and her need to learn had't died yet. She had found that this kind of depression in wizards could eventually, without treatment, leave her in a coma. The energy needed to do magic weakens to the point where the magic in their body begins to die out with disuse leaving the body unable to wake, in it's final effort to preserve itself.

She had stopped being afraid of death a long time ago and a coma seemed so mild in comparison.

The flames in the hearth had warmed her feet and could easily put her to sleep but her mind was awake enough that she could fight it. The curiousness of Snape kept her from closing her eyes. She wondered if he would bother her again about what he'd witnessed from her.

Hermione lay back on the rug with her knees still bent with her toes pointing towards the fire. He was so angry. Vividly she could still see the flash of his eyes as he had called her out.

The indignation she had felt at him mocking her—it was the most alive she had felt since the war.


	2. Chapter 2

_pur·pose: the reason for which something exists._

* * *

After the battle had been won and the celebrations had died down Hermione remembers spending many nights lost in thought over Severus Snape. Briefly she had seen him when he was taken to St Mungo's and then later at the burials for the fallen and with that had brought forth everything that she imagined him going through over the years. The things he had to do, and the things he had seen. All for the light. All for the hope that one day they would prevail and his old master would fall. She imagined being him and having to face the embodiment of evil, being shunned and hated by his colleagues and students, never being fully trusted by anyone. She couldn't imagine him having many friends.

Hermione had spent her nights crying for him, so easy in her already present grief. Harry had told her what he had seen of Snape's memories and she had grieved all those years he was alone. She was finally brought out of her pain at the thought that he had a second chance now, once he was fully healed from his wounds; to start over and be whomever he wanted to be. It had put her at peace for a while and learning months later that he was back at Hogwarts had eased her mind.

She never thought he would concern himself with someone like her. 

* * *

_Another one done._

Severus was in one of the west corridors fixing the broken stone walls that littered so many places in the castle. It was why he had come back to begin with. The castle needed to be rebuilt from the inside and had lost so much of it's magical protection that it was originally built with making it a dangerous place to be. Some parts would crumble at the slightest touch. Minerva had asked him to help, wanting his magic to be a key piece in rebuilding. The castle needed magic with a focus of protection and she felt no one was better suited than Severus. He had accepted readily enough. Where else was he to go? His family home in Spinner's End was nothing but old memories and regrets that he'd rather forget.

He moved down the hall, checking each wall for breaks or damaged spots, letting his mind drift. It had been a week since his confrontation with Granger and just as long since he had last seen her. He had spoken to Minerva briefly about the woman, and made subtle inquiries if she had seen her around the castle. Minerva told him that Granger didn't venture out much from her own rooms and was at the castle till she had the means to find a place of her own. She had said that she would be welcome for as long as that took. Minerva had looked unconcerned and Severus had gathered that she hadn't seen the version of Granger that he had that night.

It bothered him that it still bothered him. At random points throughout the week she had popped back up into his mind, niggling at him and not letting his curiosity go. He wondered where she was, what she was doing and if she was standing somewhere in the castle lost to herself once again. He hated the thought of her wandering off somewhere not to be found till it was too late.

Severus shook his head. If she didn't want to tell him the truth of her problems than he wouldn't bother trying to help. He just wished that were actually true.

Against his better judgment, he had been keeping his eye out for her. On the nights he stayed up late walking the halls, he made sure that she wasn't out there somewhere. Those nights he would return to his rooms frustrated for needlessly exhausting himself.

It was near supper when he finished with one corridor. The process was long and taxing but it had to be done. As it was, Hogwarts would be closed the coming school year. The protective wards were still not in place and wouldn't be till all the outer structures were completed. There were only a handful of people at the castle that were able to do the repairs, but with the advantage of the castle having it's own inherent magic, there wasn't a need for blueprints of any kind. The castle took shape on it's own.

Stowing his wand away, Severus made his way to the Great Hall. With so few living at the castle there was only the one table in use at the head of the hall with chairs placed on both sides. He always took the seat at the end of one side, alone, but Minerva still felt the need to engage in conversation each time he attended supper.

In the open room his robes had the freedom to billow out behind him. It was one of the only joys Severus found even in the darkest of times. The feel of his robes catching the air around him, it made him feel important and worthy of attention. A feeling no one could take from him.

To his surprise he saw that Granger had decided to join them for supper in the hall as well, and she was taking a seat at the end of the table as he walked in.  _Damn woman, that's my seat._  He sighed and took the empty spot across from her, putting Minerva diagonal and in plain view of him. One of the reasons he prefers sitting on the  _other_  side of the table. He's always found talking during meal times to be uncomfortable. If someone wanted to speak with him he'd much rather it be over tea and not while he had a mouthful of food.

He kept his eyes on Granger as he took a seat. Her eyes flashed to his for a second and away again when she noticed his attention. It didn't escape his notice how tire she looked.

"Evening," he said in a low greeting.

"Good evening, professor," she returned, keeping her eyes on her plate as the food appeared in the space between them.

Severus looked at her for a few more moments, watching her squirm under his gaze then turned his attention to his own dinner and tried to ignore her presence. Which was foiled by Minerva starting up a conversation with her.

"Hermione dear, I'm so glad you decided to join us. When I made the suggestion earlier I wasn't sure you would."

 _Ah, so an obligation._  he couldn't stop from thinking.

"I figured I could step away from my work and venture down for a meal." Her voice was quiet.

"Well I'm glad for it," he could hear the smile in Minerva's tone without looking up. Severus could make a pretty strong guess that she still didn't know about Granger's lapse in awareness. He stole a quick glance at her and saw her give Minerva a smile before returning to her meal.  _How could the old woman not see that it was fake?_

He made quick work of his supper and left without a word when he finished. 

* * *

Hermione watched as Professor Snape left the Great Hall. She had been worried for a moment that he would make a comment in front of McGonagall about what had happened a week ago. But he said nothing and paid her no mind after he sat down. She was relived and finished her meal without worry.

She normally didn't take her meals with the other members of the castle, choosing instead to take meals in her own rooms. McGonagall had asked her a few times before to join the rest, but had always bowed out, claiming she had work to do.

Which was always a lie.

She spent most of her time reading everything she could get her hands on about tracking people, trying to find a way that she might be able to locate her parents. Without physically planting something on them beforehand she hadn't come up with much. She had spent months searching for them, and with each passing town she looked in she grew discouraged and weak till she couldn't take the travel anymore.

When she's not scouring books for information, she writes.

About the first people she met from the wizarding world. The reactions from her parents when they got her letter from Hogwarts and everything starting to make sense about why their daughter was the way she was. Meeting Harry and Ron for the first time. Her life at Hogwarts. The smell of the gardens in the courtyard, the pure white snow that falls every year on the grounds and how the lake glistens in the sun when it freezes over.

The war.

The things they had to do, the pain that they felt, the people they lost. She doesn't think she'll ever run out of things to write about. So much had happened in the past few years, she feels old looking back on it. Children weren't meant to grow up the way they did. So many expectations were placed on Harry and by extension Ron and herself. The weight of the entire wizarding world had been placed on them. Even having won, she feels like she had broke under that weight.

Stomaching all she could of her supper Hermione bid goodnight to the remaining occupants of the table and left. It was cold in the outer halls in the dead of winter but she walked along anyways. The sun had already faded past the horizon and the moon cast a glow on the snow in the courtyard. Standing at the window she watched as her breath fogged on the glass. Bringing her finger up, she drew two small vertical lines with a triangle sitting on top. A small door and smoking chimney finished the image and she gazed at the little house in the snow that was before her. In her mind she pictured a couple sitting before a fire, curled together on a sofa. Peaceful and happy.

Hermione squeezed her eyes shut tight and swiped her hand along the glass erasing her daydream from view. She had prayed with all her might that it was true; that somewhere out there her parents were alive and safe.

The pain of knowing that she would never witness it was hard to bear.

With her hand still on the cold glass she leaned forward and placed her forehead to the back of her hand ignoring the warm tears that rolled down her cheeks.

She was unaware of how much time had passed when she felt a hand clasp her shoulder. Hermione raised her head to look beside her to the owner of the hand and saw Professor Snape. Turning back to the window in a daze she pulled her hand away from the glass. It was freezing cold and red. She flexed her fingers; they were stiff and she quickly concealed it in her robe pocket.

Snape's narrowed eyes passed over her and she felt scrutinized before him. For the first time she feared how long she had been standing there.

"Professor," she greeted, trying not to let the chill from her hand show on her face.

"Twice, Miss Granger, I called to you and you didn't answer. Would you care to tell me why." His voice was hard again, demanding that she tell him the truth this time.

All she could do was stand there looking at him with a bit of panic. She shook her head no.

She could see his jaw clench, "Then I will escort you back to your rooms to insure that you don't freeze to death out here in the corridor in the middle of the bloody night."

Hermione's eyes widened at hearing him talk in such a way, it was refreshing to hear coming from a man like him but she was still annoyed by his demands. "I'm not actually your student anymore, professor. I can manage on my own," she reminded him quietly.

He huffed, "From what I've seen of you lately, I'd beg to differ. How long have you been standing here?"

She raised her chin in defiance, "Just since supper. I was admiring the snow in the courtyard."  _Really,_  she thought,  _it couldn't possibly have been that long._

Hermione watched as his brows furrowed in a strange look of concern.

After a few moments he spoke in a hushed tone, "That was hours ago, Miss Granger."

Disappointment surged through her and her shoulders slumped down. She really had hoped that it hadn't been that long ago, so he wouldn't question her further on why she was standing there. Luck wasn't on her side anymore.

He lowered his head a bit and looked her hard in the eyes, "You need to seek help, Miss Granger. I'm afraid you've let this go on too long as it is."

Hermione shook her head and turned to walk away from him, "You don't know what you're talking about, professor."

"I know  _exactly_ what I'm talking about," he spat through clenched teeth, following behind her.

She whipped back around to face him, "What difference does it make to you, sir? Honestly?" She was so confused by this man, who in all the years she had known him had never once shown her anything but an extreme dislike.

"I will not for one moment stand by and watch as you let your despair rot inside of you; to let your magic die out because of it. Magic can only keep you alive for so long before the despair wins." He got closer to her, head bent down towards her and she couldn't look away. "I've seen it before. I will not see it again. To a brilliant mind." He shook his head, "Such a waste."

A few years ago she would have been excited to hear such a compliment from him, but now it just made her sad that he finally took notice when it was too late, "This 'brilliant mind' is taking a break." Her voice was calm and quiet. Being this close to him she could smell the woods on him, cool and earthy. She had always been fascinated by this man, and it had only grown the older she got. It just didn't matter anymore. With one last look she turned around and made her way to her rooms. 

* * *

Severus watched as Granger walked away from him, her hands in her robe pockets. She may have survived the Dark Lord but the war was slowly killing her anyway. He didn't know exactly what had caused the despair to take root, but it had and it was working fast.

She reminded him too much of his mother.

Cold.

Distant.

Vacant.

He hadn't been enough to keep her living and he carried that knowledge with him since his own days at Hogwarts. He had watched his mother slip away the summer his father passed. She was gone completely the following year.

He watched Hermione Granger's form retreating down the corridor, her hair limp and dull around her shoulders.

_No._

He tightened his hands into fists and followed after her.

It took the woman a while to realize that someone was following which just added to Severus' growing frustrations with her. He wasn't trying to be quiet or hide the fact that he was there and she still didn't notice. Finally, when she took a turn down another hall, she spotted him out of the corner of her eye.

"What are you doing?" She had stopped at the turn and was facing him.

"I'm making sure you actually make it to your rooms and I'll be aware then of where you reside and can make sure that you don't fall into a comatose state and starve to death." He wasn't nice about it but he didn't feel the need to lie to her. When he reached her side he held his hand out in the direction she was going in indication for her to continue.

Granger sighed and started off down the hall at a slow pace. If she were any slower she'd be dragging her feet. Severus watched her out of the corner of his eye wondering how she got like this with no one noticing.  _Where were her friends? Why haven't they done anything?_

"When did this start?" he questioned in the silent corridor.

"It doesn't matter," she replied after a moment, barely a whisper.

How on earth could this woman beside him be the same girl that he had taught for years. Who annoyed him in class and astounded him with her bravery and intelligence. That girl was full of life and demanded attention when she spoke. It bothered him to see that girl gone and replaced with this shell of a woman.

She could tell him it didn't matter till she was blue in the face, but he would still ensure that she didn't sink any further down than she already was. She can keep her secrets and reasons for her sorrow.

The journey to her rooms was slow and quiet. They were up by the Astronomy tower when she stopped in front of a portrait of a meadow. Vibrant greens and blues.

"Misty Mountains," she said, and the portrait opened and she walked through the door, with Severus close behind.

It was standard guest quarters. Sitting room, bedroom and bath. There was a window on the far wall across from the entrance with a lone blue chair sitting below it with a blanket and a love-seat before the hearth.

Granger was standing before the fire, watching him curiously. She held her hands slightly out to the sides, "Satisfied, sir?"

Severus didn't say anything as he looked around the room, taking in the books that were on the small table before the sofa and the dirty dishes in a pile on one end-table. He wasn't satisfied at all, but knowing she was here now and not out alone at night was a start.

With a nod of his head he bid her goodnight and left through the portrait door.

It was a restless night for him, staying up a few more hours pacing his rooms and wondering on how to handle the situation with the young witch. No one else seemed to notice what was happening with her, leaving her be, too preoccupied with fixing the castle.

Severus stood before his hearth and placed his hands on the mantle, staring into the flames. He remembers finding his mother in the garden one morning, clothes wet from the morning dew, sitting in the grass. She had been holding his fathers smoking pipe in one hand and his wand in the other; eyes void and lost within herself. He had cried that night, knowing that he had no one left.

He sighed and closed his eyes. He hadn't been enough then and he was afraid he wasn't going to be enough now either.


	3. Chapter 3

_I hope you've been enjoying this so far, because it's been fun to write. I've dived pretty much head first into writing lately, so if I'm making any mistakes that I'm just not seeing, feel free to tell me. Any feedback is appreciated. Enjoy._

* * *

_pur·pose: the reason for which something exists._

* * *

Over the next several days, Severus kept himself busy with work on the castle and within the library. The room had looked as if someone had tipped it completely on it's side; rows and rows of tomes were scattered on the floors before the bookshelves. It was more of a mess than anything. They had been lucky that the damage was minimal and that nothing was set aflame.

He hadn't seen or heard from Granger.

As he placed a few more books back in their proper spot after being checked for damage, a plan was starting to form. It had been a difficult few days for Severus, coming to terms with the fact that the witch was showing the same signs that his mother had and dealing with the guilt those thoughts brought. Whether he wanted to feel it or not, Granger's situation hit a nerve in him and all he could think of was to protect her as best he could, and find a way for her to heal whatever damage had been done on the inside.

His duty to protect and serve had ended after the war and had left him at a lose for as what to do with himself. But Granger--gave him a sense of purpose, as much as the thought bothered him. At least he didn't have to admit it to anyone but himself. And that had been hard enough on it's own.

Leaving the stack of books he was working on on the table he walked out of the library and headed in the direction of the Astronomy tower. One of Granger's problems was that she wasn't active enough from what he had seen of her so far. Severus planned to change that right quick. The bloody witch could get out and do some good like the rest of them. There was work to be done and if Severus could shoo her out of her rooms to help it would keep her from falling into a state of inaction.

Upon reaching her portrait door he knocked and waited for her to open up. But she didn't. He tried again and listened closely. There wasn't any movement he could hear from the corridor and it worried him. Using the password he had heard her use before, he entered her rooms. He had a brief moment to wonder that she didn't change the ward on the door after his last visit, before seeing her across the room sitting in the blue chair next to the window.

"Miss Granger," he called from just inside the door. If she had been ignoring his knocks he didn't want to invade her rooms any more than he already had, but his propriety was unneeded. Granger didn't move an inch at his voice.

With long and quick strides Severus reached her side and knelt down. She was staring down at a journal in her lap with a muggle pen held loosely in one hand. There were dark smudges under her eyes and her hair looked unwashed. Her clothes were rumpled and her skin pale. When he looked at her he saw someone else and it made the ache in his chest all the stronger.

Severus gripped her shoulder and called for her again. She blinked slowly but didn't acknowledge his presence beyond that. He shook her shoulder with more force, voice stern, "Granger, wake up."

He watched as she took a deep breath and sat back with a groan, looking as if she were waking up from a deep sleep. She looked confused to see him kneeling there and rubbed at her eyes. She flexed her back and winced in pain.

"I won't even bother asking what you're doing here," she said with a rough irritated voice.

"Wise. Now get up." Severus stood from his kneeling position and went to find her robe. Now that his concern was put at ease he needed to get her up and moving. No need to mosey about.

"What?" She hadn't moved from her seat by the window, just watching him move around from her spot.

Severus found her robe in a pile by the fireplace and scooped it up before dumping it on Granger's lap, "Get up."

She glanced at her robe and then to him with a suspicious look. "Why?" she asked again at length.

"In case it escaped your astute notice," he said sarcastically, "the castle is in disrepair including the library. It's a tedious job and I've decided to pass it off onto you. Now get _\--_ up." He towered over her impatiently waiting for her to just _move_.

She looked at him in disbelief, shaking her head a little, "I'm aware of the castles state, thank you, and I know that the other wizards here are capable of handling the job. I have my own work to do here, professor," she said, gesturing to the journal in her lap.

Severus actually rolled his eyes at that. He couldn't even remember the last time he was moved to do such a thing but the situation called for it. "You can feed that line to Minerva all you want, she's gullible enough to buy it. But I, on the other hand, am not." He reached down and took the journal and pen from her and moved to place it on the small table before the love-seat.

Granger glared at him and still didn't move from her seat.

Fine. If he had to treat her like a child, so be it. Taking her robe back from her he threw it over one of his arms and reached down and grabbed her hand, giving a firm tug and pulled her from her seat.

"Hey!" she cried in protest but was too weak to really do much about.

Severus ignored her and threw her robe over her shoulders and placed her arms through each sleeve. She had on a long skirt and blouse underneath but no shoes. He started searching the room and found a pair under the desk in the corner. He brought them back over to where Granger stood and knelt down again, grabbing one of her ankles and giving a tug. He felt her hands fall on his shoulders to keep her balance as she lifted one foot and then the other for him to put the shoes on.

When he stood back up to face her she was standing there with her mouth gaped open, gobsmacked. "If you won't do it yourself, then I'll treat you like a child and do it for you," he said as calmly as he could manage. "Now..." Severus swept his arm out to the side, indicating the door and Granger walked to it in a daze, still shocked at his behavior. Again, her pace was slow but Severus hoped to see that change in the future. It would take time, but he was willing to wait.

They didn't speak during the journey to the library but he could see the witch glance at him every so often. He kept a hand hovering behind her back to keep her moving forward when her pace slowed down too much.

Almost to the library she spoke quietly, "I still don't understand why you're doing this."

He didn't speak as he held the door open for her and watched her walk in. His reasons didn't matter and would make no difference to her so why say anything?

Granger took in the sight of the library. At all the books scattered and the shelves toppled. She looked as if she were in pain.

"I gather that you haven't been here since the war," he said quietly. She must have gotten the books in her room from her time at Grimmauld Place. She gave a small shake of her head.

"Right. Now, we'll be sorting through these here," he went over to a table that was stacked high with books, "They haven't been checked for damage yet, just placed here for sorting. I have a few here done already; sort the rest according to those piles."

Severus moved off to continue with the stack he had been working on before he went off to find Granger but when he looked up to check on her a moment later he saw that she was still standing there, frozen in place looking at all the scattered tomes.

He sighed and went back, standing behind her to grab her shoulders and push her towards the table, "Here," he said, placing one of the books in her hand to look over. She held it loosely in hand and looked over her shoulder to him, she looked on the verge of tears.

His chest felt tight seeing her stand there looking overwhelmed and lost. He tightened her hand on the book and gave her a stern look, "This needs to be done. Take pride in restoring this place. I can only imagine how many hours you've whiled away in here over the years." Relating this place to her, making her see how she could make it better would help. He thought at least.

Moving away from her again, he started on his own work. Severus watched her out of the corner of his eye are she stood there just looking at the books for a moment before flipping through the pages of the book in hand, checking it for damage like he had told her to do. Her movements were slow over the next hour, getting very little done, but it was a start at least. He tried to keep his frustration to himself.

"You can start putting that pile up on the shelf, Miss Granger," indicating the top shelf of the case behind him. He was caught up in the torn book he was dealing with to notice right away that the witch had gotten a high step stool from somewhere and had placed it in front of the case. He looked at her in confusion as she tried, very poorly, to place a book on the top shelf.

"You can easily manage with a _wand_ , Miss Granger," he demanded.

She shrugged keeping her attention on the shelf, "It's not with me."

Before he could make a scathing comment about walking about the damn castle wandless Granger glanced at him and then looked away again, not wanting to look him in the eye when she said under her breath, "I have no use for it anymore."

The feeling that shot through Severus at that admission was paralyzing. _How could she-_ He could barely even think it, but it was true. She was _willingly_ giving up her magic.

"Of all the idiotic things you could do..." he growled at her with his eyes narrowed. He stepped towards her and stood beside the stool she was on, looking up at her. Granger was holding the book in one hand and gripped the shelf in the other, refusing to look at him.

"A wizard can not live without their magic; it's a vital part of our lives, as I'm sure you're perfectly aware." No wonder she was so weak.

She was also ignoring him.

"Granger!" he yelled at her. She jumped a bit, gripping the shelf tighter and looked down at him.

"Would you just...stop." She said quietly, closing her eyes for a moment. When she composed herself she started making her way down the step stool, losing her footing on one of the rungs.

Severus was quick to act, moving to catch her around the waist before she fell backwards. The breath was knocked out of him as her back hit his chest in the fall. Granger was gripping his hand tight around her waist as he made sure she had both feet stable below her. It was strange, holding on to her. He couldn't remember the last time he had a woman in his arms, for any reason. He shook his head at his ridiculous thoughts.

He huffed a great sigh, blowing her hair that was by his face. "I suggest keeping two feet on the ground."

"Well if you hadn't yelled at me, I'd be more focused," she said sounding annoyed.

"If you weren't so weak from long periods of hibernation, I wouldn't have the need to yell," he shot back as she turned around to face him.

Putting his hand on top of the books he had finished, "These belong on the bottom shelf, do those instead."

Her shoulders slumped down in displeasure, "Can't I be done?"

"No."

Her heard her growl softly. At least she wan't just walking out like some would when faced with a task they didn't want to do and had no true obligation to do. It looked like her respect for authority hadn't disappeared quite yet.

* * *

Madam Pince had arrived some time after and had stood over Granger at once, scrutinizing her as she sorted through the books in front of her. He could tell it was making her uncomfortable and withdrawn, so he shooed Pince away by piling the stack of damaged books in her arms and told her to stop her screeching and do something useful. She had left in a huff but Granger looked better for it.

She had also taken a seat at some point, which Severus was grateful for. He was afraid she was going to topple over at one point. He had to yell at her once though when he noticed she was spacing off as she sat reading one of the books she was suppose to be looking over. He wouldn't admit it, but he didn't blame her for it. He himself had to fight the urge a few times to stop and read an interesting book he picked up, making a mental note to check it out later instead.

Severus was placing a few books on the shelf behind him when she spoke softly, holding a book reverently in her hands, "I use to check this out all the time. It just...fascinated me I suppose." It was a book on growing and harvesting plants, with a focus towards using the products in potions. "I found in it my first year. I learnt a look from it in fact. I made a bundle of herbs once, to place under my pillow; it helped me sleep when I missed home too much."

Severus watching as she smoothed her hand over the cover, lost in thought. He had a feeling, from the tears pooling in her eyes, that that was the root of her illness. Missing home; her family maybe? He hadn't heard anything of them during or after the war.

"Hm. No wonder you knew things that weren't in the assigned reading for my class." A poor attempt to lighten the mood maybe, but it's all he had at the moment.

It worked.

She looked up at him through her lashes and he could spot the tiniest hint of an upturned lip, "Well, what was a girl to do after her first potions class where the teacher ignored her the whole time."

He smirked at her, "And encourage all that silly hand waving?" Severus picked up another book and starting flipping through the pages, "By not calling on you every time you rose your hand, it only made you try harder. Learn more. The more you knew, the more chances there were that I'd call on you and another chance to prove to me you knew the answer. Sound about right?" He looked at Granger then.

She had a look of surprise for a moment, then frowning slightly in irritation, "You didn't have to be so mean about it."

"Would it have done me any good to make friends?" he asked, raising an eyebrow, "Potions is a precise and dangerous art, Miss Granger. If I were _nice_ to all the students they would be more relaxed in my classroom and relaxation has no place in a potions lab. Being strict and unforgiving of mistakes insured that those mistakes happened less."

She lowered her eyes from his and looked at the book in her hands instead. "It's hard to see that reasoning as a child I suppose. I understand it now," she admitted quietly. "But to me, you were unnecessarily cruel sometimes. And it hurt. You were a brilliant teacher and I just wanted you to see that I could be brilliant too."

Severus really looked at her, how her posture took on a withdrawn look and her eyes downcast. Broken was the only thing he could think when he looked at her these days. He had been mean to her in her days at school and he knew that; wasn't proud of it in that moment as she told him it had affected her so. He put his book down and placed his hands flat on the tables surface. Staring at the woodgrain he drummed his fingers once and said in a low tone, just for her to hear, "You've always been bright, Miss Granger. I admired that about you, and I hope you understand why I could never tell you that. I couldn't afford to pay compliments to Harry Potter's friend, let alone a Gryffindor. I had a role to play and favoring you wasn't a part of it."

It was easier to tell her that then he originally thought it would be. It was just the two of them there, Pince having taken up shop in the Restricted Section, and he felt she deserved to know now after it was all said and done. She was having a hard enough time as it was lately, she could do with a little honesty from him.

_How many times will I make her cry today?_ he thought. Her eyes were glossy when she looked up at him, nodding her head slightly, "Can I be done now, please?" She looked about done in and he took pity on her at last and nodded in assent.

Severus offered her his hand in assistance in standing from her seat by the table. With a shy look she placed her smaller hand in his and stood. He's never been one for overly gentleman behavior, but Granger was fragile and needed to be treated as such. Many would think otherwise, but Severus wasn't heartless. Yes, he was oftentimes harsh and prickly but he also knew when it was called for and when it wasn't. His frustrations with the witch stemmed from his need for her to get strong again and to fight the battle with her despair, like his mother had been so unable to do. He'll never be cruel to her in the state that she was in.

"Thank you," she said quietly.

Severus nodded and led them to the door and they started the journey to her rooms. She didn't even question him why he was following her there again.

They passed the time in silence and Severus was making notes to himself about some of the corridors they passed that needed tending to. After he dropped Granger off at her rooms he'll get to work on them. There were a few hours of daylight left to put to good use.

She interrupted his thoughts when they were closer to her quarters. "Professor? If--if things had been different, would you really have favored me? Or I mean, paid me a compliment at least." She sounded flustered and rushed by the end and he glanced at her. There was a bit of color in her face now, making her look healthier.

He took a moment to think over her question. If things had been different...His one act of taking the Mark had put him on a path and changed his life forever. If that one action didn't take place so many things would have been different. He would have been a different man; a free man. Severus could have served no one but himself, could have experience more out of life. It wasn't good to dwell on that allusive other life, but he could imagine just for a moment in order to answer her question.

"If it were different, with no negative repercussions...there is a chance I might have." He shot her another glance out of the corner of his eye, "As long as you tried harder to keep that interruptive know-it-all tendency to a minimum." He kept his eyes on her till she looked up at him and he smirked.

Granger rolled her eyes at him but he could see the pleased look on her face as she turned away.

_Maybe--just maybe_ , he thought, _I can get her through this._


	4. Chapter 4

_pur·pose: the reason for which something exists._

* * *

He put her shoes on her.

It was such an insignificant thing out of all that had happened that day but she was having a hard time pushing it from the forefront of her mind. Snape had wanted to get her out of her room so badly that he actually _put her shoes on for her._ She could still feel his shoulders under her hands and when he caught her as she slipped on the step stool...she felt a strength that went overlooked underneath his heavy robes. His grip on her had been tight and secure; not feeling for a moment unsafe with him.

Hermione rubbed her eyes with the palms of her hands. She felt exhausted from the day and her continued thoughts on Snape weren't helping. The man did nothing but confuse her. Their shared past would suggest that he would want nothing to do with her but he's been so strangely attentive to ever since she woke up on his sitting room sofa. She shook her head, not wanting to dwell on it anymore.

She had taken the plant book with her when they had left the library earlier. It was laying on her stomach as she was stretched out on the sofa before the fire. Placing a hand on the cover, she smoothed her fingers over the soft leather. She still remembers how the smell of the herbs had infused themselves into her pillow and how it had always made her feel safe and calm. That first year at Hogwarts had been hard on her and she had wanted to give up and go home on several occasions, feeling weak and discouraged. But finding that book and learning all that it had to offer made it a little easier at night to fall asleep instead of laying awake quietly crying and missing the comfort of her parents and their home. They were the only ones who had loved and cared for her back then.

Hermione could feel her throat start to get tight and her eyes were burning and she covered them again with her palms, trying to keep the tears in but it did little good. A sob shook her frame with a sickening desperation to have that bundle of herbs back, to have her pillow so fragrant with the calming scents to lure her into sleep.

She felt all of 11 again. Friendless and alone.

Had Hermione been of a more clear state of mind she would have thought harder on that. She would have been more honest with herself and admitted that she wasn't quite alone. However bizarre it may be, she did have Professor Snape; a nagging shadow that followed her around. Yet whatever bright spot there might have been in her life, it all got washed away in her grief.

Curled up on the sofa that night with the book placed under her head, her mind wouldn't let her forget completely that she wasn't alone. As she dreamt, she saw a man standing before her with a pair of shoes dangling from the tips of his fingers.

* * *

Severus dragged Granger to the library the next day and the day after that. She was lethargic and too quiet on both encounters. He was worried that she was getting worse and not better and he questioned himself on whether he was doing something wrong, if this was all the incorrect way to handle someone as ill as she was. He didn't know how she spent her nights when he wasn't there but it was something he had no control over. Whatever she was doing when she was alone obviously wasn't donig her any good.

That morning when he had gone to her rooms to fetch her he had seen the plant book sitting atop one of the throw pillows on the sofa and Granger had been curled up in her blue chair, knees drawn up to her chin, asleep. She had turned away from him when he roused her, turning her face into the cushioned high back of the chair. It had taken quite some time for her to fully awake and she refused to speak when she did. At the twenty minute mark Severus lost his patients when she continued to sit there unmoving and mute. He pulled her feet off the seat and once again slipped them into a pair of shoes for her and draped her cloak over her shoulders. He took her wrist in hand and dragged her out the door.

In the corridor when he tried to guide her at a quicker pace she shrugged away from his hand and went to stand before one of the high windows overlooking the grounds. She looked as if she were about to melt herself into the stone frame, her body leaning heavy into the wall and her head tilting towards the glass. Severus grasped her shoulders tight and pulled her away and righted her direction down the hall and away from the window. Again she shrugged him away.

"Then move," he said quietly, a chilling edge to his voice. There were a few portraits there with them in the hall, all inhabited and focused intently on the pair.

Granger may have gotten away with her slide into depression relatively unnoticed till now with hiding away in her rooms and as far as he could tell, only coming out at night when the castle was asleep but Severus knew how nosy the portraits were and he was sure one of them was bound to tell the Headmistress the goings-on with Granger and her peculiar behavior.

Since making it to the library she's barely done anything after falling heavily into a chair. Frequently she would pause and rub at her eyes or lean her elbows on the table with her head in her hands but she would come back to herself in time and continue her work.

Severus was reluctant to think it, but if she got any worse he was afraid she would be out of his reach and would have to be brought to St Mungo's to be looked after. Even then they wouldn't be able to treat her without her consent or the consent of a family member and he doubted very much that she would allow for it. But he would be damned if he was going to let her get that far. He would fix this; fix her.

If he could survive under the Dark Lords thumb for over a decade he could save one witch from dying. She was under his care now, it was his duty to watch over her.

Severus watched her as she got up to move a stack of finished books to a different table to be placed on the proper shelves then wandered down the isle and selecting the next group to be sorted through. With Pince's work on her part of the library and Severus' own quick and efficient work they were almost done and he would have to find something else to occupy their time and keep Granger busy.

Speaking of Pince, he could hear her down a few rows scolding Granger on the proper way to handle books. When she came back with a stack in her arms looking irritated, Severus sneered, "That old witch has always been overly protective. A crazy cat lady with books instead of actual cats."

He hadn't expected Granger to acknowledge his comment but he heard her hum a small amused sound as she walked by.

Pleased with himself for getting something out of her, he immersed himself back in the task before him, letting the hours slip by.

He regretted it later for getting so caught up and not paying closer attention to the witch at the table on the other side of the room. A few times he had glanced up to check on her but all seemed to be well. Sitting at the table with her back to him he could see that she was holding open one of the books, assuming that she was more busy reading than actually checking the pages, he had let her be. But now a little over an hour later she was still sitting there, not having moved an inch that he could tell and not responding when he had called out to her.

Concerned, he stopped in the middle of repairing a few ripped pages and made his way to her side of the room and stopping in front of her. Indeed she had a book open on her lap and was staring down at it but when he knelt before her he could see how blank her eyes were.

"Granger?" he called, not surprised at all when he didn't get a response. He reached out and cupped her face in his hands tilting it up so her eyes were level with his own. "Granger, wake up. Come on, enough of this, you have work to do and I refuse to let you laze about." His words were meaningless since he knew she wasn't aware enough to actually understand him but he thought the sound of his demanding voice might bring her out of it. Granger did nothing but blink her eyes in a drowsy manner and Severus gave her a small shake. "Wake up," he growled at her.

The skin of her cheeks were cold and a quick check of her hands proved to be the same. Severus cast a warming charm to settle over her, not wanting her heart rate to slow any further in her freezing state. He was positive that it wasn't helping with her bouts of unconsciousness. Putting the backs of his fingers to her cheeks he could tell it was working in raising her temperature and he hoped that she would respond to the change.

Severus knelt on that floor with her for what felt like hours, cycling through yelling at her behind the shield of a silencing charm and giving her shoulders firm shakes hoping to jolt her awake but it was all pointless. There was nothing he could do this time to get her up and he would just have to wait it out.

It was the worst, watching her like that. The whole situation was too familiar to him and he had to turn away from her a few times to take a break from watching her lifeless eyes. There was only so much he could take of them.

He had just finished reapplying the warming charm when he saw her fingers curl and flex. Severus sat at attention, "Miss Granger?" He snapped his fingers in front of her eyes and tried again, louder.

Her eyes fixed on his at last and he sighed not even bothering to hide his relief, but it was short lived.

"About damn time," he snarled at her, not being able to curb his frustration after such a long wait. "It seems I can't even trust you to sit unattended without falling off the face of the earth." He didn't feel a lick of sympathy as he watched her rub at her dry eyes and stretch her sore shoulders. He took her elbow and drug her to her feet and kicked her chair away.

"Don't move," he said as he walked away to get the work that he had abandoned earlier and brought it over to the table she was now standing at. He sat his books down and pushed a different stack to stop in front of her on the tabletop. Her eyes were narrowed at him in tired annoyance.

He gave her a hard look, "You either do this or I'll make you walk around the castle a dozen times. Your choice, Granger."

Her eyes dropped from his and she got to work.

* * *

Severus got an owl the next morning from the Matron at Beauxbatons asking for his assistance with a Pox remedy. There had been a breakout at the school and they needed more than they had on hand, leaving Severus to make up the difference. It needed to be dealt with quickly before it spread any further through the students and staff, so he spent the morning watching over his cauldrons, making as many batches at he could manage. If he had had more warning he would have went to retrieve Granger and had her assist in the process. He didn't trust her with a complete potion on her own but he would have given her small tasks to do to keep her busy.

As it was, Severus didn't finish his task till late into the afternoon and still had to deliver the remedy to the school getting him back to the castle closer to dinner. He was tired but felt satisfied with a hards day work of potion making. He'd been busy with so many other tasks in the last few weeks leaving him very little time do what he enjoyed most but he knew that once Hogwarts was set to rights he would need to restock the school inventory in the hospital wing, so he that to look forward to at least.

Out of habit Severus Apparated to the gates of the school when he could have chosen the front steps being with the wards still down. It made him uneasy knowing that just anyone could come and go as they pleased. The sooner the wards were put back up the better it would be for them all.

He didn't even bother stopping at his own quarters first before making his way up to Granger's rooms to check on her. With the way she had been lately he doubted that she had done much more than get out of bed to use the lavatory. He kept himself from dwelling too much on her throughout the day but now that he was back in the castle he wondered if her mood had improved at all from the past few days.

He gave a cursory knock on her door before giving the password and entering on his own. He wasn't going to bother waiting for an answer he would never get.

Her rooms were a mess. More so than it had been yesterday. Papers were strewn throughout the room, most torn or crumpled. He saw her journal on the sofa, spine up and a page bent underneath. After taking in the disaster of a room his eyes landed on the girl, curled under a blanket on the rug in front of the fire. All he could see of her was her hair peaking out the top.

"Miss Granger?" he said quietly, taking a step closer. If she were simply asleep he would leave her be-

Her head shot up and she looked over her shoulder at him, surprised that he was there. Again he was appalled at her lack of awareness to what was going on around her. She should have heard him come in.

Her head fell back down and under the cover once she saw that it was him and didn't make a sound.

Severus wasn't sure how to handle her when she was giving him the silent treatment. Lord knows that he would have been over the moon with her silence had she done so during her schooling but he found her silence now to be unnerving and made him uncomfortable. That doubt crept in again, making him question himself and his actions with her. He sighed and looked around. _Why am I even here?_

But seeing her there, her shoulders shaking with what he could only guess to be silent tears, made his questioning disappear. He knew exactly why he was there. Why he couldn't for the life of him pass her off to someone else, someone more qualified and welcome. He needed this sick phantasm of his mother to go away and bring back the young woman he knew to be buried in there somewhere. He just needed to dig her out.

She needed someone to do that for her, someone strong enough to pull her through. His mother...he hadn't been strong enough. Too young, too scared.

Severus was out of his depth with this though. He didn't know how to comfort her the way she needed. He handled his Slytherin's with encouragement and facts but never true comfort and never in a physical way. No pats on the shoulder, no one armed hugs. It was all so awkward to him. What could he possibly do with Granger that would comfort her? To make her speak again, even a tiny bit?

He decided a little cleaning could be done in the mean time till he formed a plan. He took his wand out and gathered all the torn and discarded pages together and into a neat pile on the small table before the sofa. He would leave it to her to either throw them away or keep them since he hadn't a clue what any of the pages held. He piled all of the clothes in the sitting room that he could see and called for one of the house elves to come retrieve them to be cleaned. Her name was Tweed and she had been in Severus' service since he started at the school as a teacher. She had been assigned to his rooms and he appreciated how respectful and unobtrusive she was. She said little but would always smile at him when he needed her assistance no matter how small or troublesome. For a reason known only to her, she had taken to making him a plate of frosted pumpkin bars every Christmas. He had asked her that first Christmas why but she had just smiled and set the plate in his hands. He hadn't known how to respond to that small bit of kindness so he had taken one of the treats and handed it to her. And every year since without fail she would stay and share one with him before wishing him a happy holidays in her quiet little voice before leaving.

When she popped into the room before him she looked to the new surroundings she found herself in, "Sir?"

"Can you do me a favor and take these to be laundered?" indicating the pile at his feet, "I don't know who has been assigned to her rooms."

Tweed looked over her shoulder to the girl laying by the fire and said to him in a whisper, "No one is, Sir. The Miss had requested that the elves do more useful things than look after her rooms." She shook her head as if the thought was ridiculous, "but we's have an elf come by once a week to pick up a bit, whether she's wanting it or not."

"Hmm, that explains a lot. Thank you, Tweed." He nodded his head to her as she gathered the pile and winked out of the room. A worrying thought crossed his mind as he looked to her. He could see the toes of one of her feet sticking out of the bottom of the cover and reached down to gently move the blanket down to cover them back up.

 _What did she do for food?_ She had only been to dinner the one time that he had seen and every time he had been to her rooms there was never a pile of plates like there was with her clothes. He had only seen one or two plates of half eaten meals and a glass of water. _Was she really not eating on top of everything else?_ He had a feeling so.

Severus took a seat on the small table before the sofa and wove his fingers together as he rested his elbows on his knees, quietly watching her. From his new vantage point he could see her eyes focused on the fire and even with the glow of the flames he could see how pale she was. "Have you eaten dinner?" he asked.

She didn't answer.

"Have you done anything today?" he tried.

Her eyes shut tight for a moment before opening again and they had a glossiness about them.

"How long have you been laying here?" He would pester her till she spoke. He didn't know how to comfort her but he would persist until she gave him something to work with.

"Is this where you sleep now? I suppose it's too cold in your room without the use of a charm to direct the heat at night, or a warming charm at the very least." He tired to keep the frustration out of his voice, "How often do you eat? You're never present for evening meals and since I've now leaned that you have requested that your rooms stay unattended it makes me question how you get your food at all. Do you walk to the kitchens instead? Do you eat at all, I wonder?"

"Stop," he heard so quietly come for under the blanket.

"I see you exerted some kind of energy tearing pages from your journal at least. I can count that as doing something I suppose." He was watching her closely to see any reaction she would give.

Finally, something.

"Stop it. Just, stop!" Her voice was rough and caught a bit as her voice raised. "I didn't ask for you to keep tabs on me, so don't." Her body curled, her knees drawn in more towards her chest.

"I'm helping you-"

"I don't need your help!" she yelled at him, "I don't need it, I don't need it," she rambled off.

"Your mind is betraying you, Miss Granger," letting her anger slide right off of him. Anger he could deal with, it was so familiar to him. From others and feeling it himself. "It's making you think that what is happening to you is fine, is acceptable, maybe justified or deserved. But you are _wrong,_ Miss Granger," he finished in a firm tone, trying to make her understand the error in her thinking.

He heard her breath hitch, "Would you please just leave," she said, covering her eyes with one hand, her chin quivering with the fight to keep her tears at bay. Her anger went out like a light and she was quiet again.

He hated that her tears were an improvement to her silence.

It had been such a long day, for the both of them it seemed, and all Severus could do was sigh and move to take a seat on the stone floor by her head, his left leg bent at the knee and extended to the side with his right bent on the floor before him and he rested his forearm on his thigh as he watched her cry still trying to hide behind her hand and blanket.

"I won't," he said, not sure he's every spoken so gently before, it made his words feel odd and foreign to him. Severus rubbed at his eyes with his pointer finger and thumb lost in thought for a moment. He didn't know what to say or do; should he reach out to her? Would she respond better with physical comfort as opposed to his less than soothing words? He had never gotten much in the way of affection when he was younger. His parents had loved him, he knew that, they just weren't the sort to show it like other families. Both reserved in their actions, giving him praise when it was due. He remembers them letting him pick out a book whenever they went to the nearby town. That was their sign of love to him, and he had always been alright with that.

He still had all those books, in their own little place on his shelves in the sitting room.

He's seen enough affection displayed with other people over the years to know how to duplicate it; the pats on the shoulder, the hugs, the light touches on the cheeks. What he lacks is the feeling that drives those actions. The honest emotions needed to make a person perform those things, to _want_ to do those things to others. But...he does feel something towards this broken woman, however unwanted those feelings may be to the both of them. She has endeared herself to him through her pain and illness, dredging up old memories of a severe failing on his part. There is nothing that he can do that will atone for his past, but he can do this now in the present. He can be strong enough for the both of them, to keep her head above water when she's too weak to do it herself.

He can do this.

Uncertain, he reaches his hand out slowly and places it on her curved shoulder in what he hopes is a consoling manner. Granger freezes under his hand and he almost pulls away thinking he made a mistake, but he took a risk and left it there. Moving his thumb lightly back and forth looked natural and right in that moment and he hoped that it calmed her down and didn't frighten her. Even if it did make him feel a little uncomfortable, despite all the previous times he's had to touch her. This felt different.

She was still hiding beneath her covers when she turned over, facing him on her side. His hand had fallen down off her shoulder in the move and was dangling uselessly in front of him.

Her skin was like ice when she touched his hand, sliding out from under the blanket and cautiously taking two of his finders in her grip. Without resistance he let her pull it back towards her, to lay right on the edge of her hideaway. With just as much care Severus adjusted his hand to take hold of the back of her own with his fingers, resting his thumb in the palm of her hand.

He sat there quietly letting her take whatever she could from his simple grip on her hand.

"I don't need help," she whispered, holding on to his hand tighter.

"Of course not," he said quietly with false agreement, looking at the flames in the grate.

Time moved slowly for them, Granger's tears passing and her breathing calm, Severus' grip still secure. He heard the chime of the clock on the mantle above them and he looked to see it was past 9 and he realized how hungry he was. He called for Tweed and she popped in a few moments later.

"Will you bring us two plates of dinner, please. Whatever had been served tonight will be fine."

She simply nodded her head a few times and left to retrieve his request.

Severus looked back to the witch on the floor to see her watching him intently. Her blanket had moved at one point, sliding to uncover her face. Her eyes were red but alert.

Without speaking he slipped his other hand underneath her shoulder and lifter her to a sitting position. She was much too light and would need to put on a few pounds to be considered healthy. That was something he could help her with easily enough, starting with dinner tonight.

She was sitting before him now still watching him and gripping his hand. He could see what a mess her hair had become, curls a tangle around her head and he could see a few locks that had imprinted on her cheek as she had laid before the fire. Without thinking he reached out and wiped them away.

So slightly he could see her eyebrows raise in surprise and he refused to be embarrassed by his impulsive action. He was saved by Tweed coming back holding a tray laden with their food. She had been generous in all the portions on each plate and had thought to grab them both a goblet of water as well. Tweed kicked aside the blanket that was pooled next to Granger and set the tray down in it's place and proceeded to hand each of them their goblets and plates of food, forcing their clasped hands to part. He spared but a second to think on how cold his hand felt when it left hers.

Tweed looked satisfied once they had their food in hand, nodding to herself. "Would sir be needing anything else?"

"No, that will be all for now, thank you, Tweed."

She disappeared again in a blink leaving the two of them alone. Granger sat there with her food in her lap looking at it unfavorably.

"Eat," he said, taking her drink from her and placing it on the floor beside his own and putting a fork in her hand instead. Hoping she would follow his example, he tucked into his own meal, ravenous after a busy day. Without looking up he could see her picking slowly at her food, but that was enough. She was eating something and that would do for now.

Time past silently after that as they both ate until Granger spoke.

"Why did you come here, Professor?" She asked, so quietly he barely caught it. Granger was looking at him from under her lashes, her curls framing her face. He wondered what was making it so hard for her to understand that he wasn't going to let her get any worse. It couldn't be that strange to her for someone to care. But maybe that was it; it wasn't just someone, it was _him._

"What would happen to you if I didn't?"

She looked down at her hands at that and didn't say anything.

"And I believe you once said that I am no longer your professor...there is no need for you to treat me as such." He was extended an offer to put them on equal ground. Maybe then she would take better to his presence.

She looked at him curiously, "How should I treat you then?"

Well that gave him pause. How should she treat him? What was he to her now, after all that he's seen of her? He's never spent any amount of time with former students before and he can't imagine calling any of them by anything other than their last name and he would never dream of giving any of them the right to call him by his given name. But yet again, this situation was different and unique.

"I am just a wizard, trying his damnedest to keep a witch from killing herself." Straight to the point, but it was the truth.

Oddly, she almost smiled at that, seeing amusement in her eyes. Still quiet, "And what shall I call you, wizard?"

Reluctantly he said after a few beats, "Severus I suppose. If you must call me something." The surrender of his name was the price of equal footing with her. He imagined it would be odd to hear her speak it.

Granger hummed under her breath and went back to picking at her plate.

"It's late," he said placing his plate on the tray that sat next to them, "I'm going to retire, I suggest you do the same. I'll be here early to get you for breakfast then we'll find work to do outside of the library."

She made a noise of complaint, her shoulders slumping down. "It's not necessary-"

"I shall see you in the morning, Miss Granger," he cut her off before she could voice her opinion.

Severus stood and gathered his robes about him and headed for the door. He had crossed the threshold when he heard her.

"Hermione," she said softly.

He turned back to her, surprised, tilting his head in a questioning manner.

"I'm just a witch..." she stopped, not sure how to continue like he had done earlier. She shook her head in embarrassment and looked down at her fingers in her lap.

He understood and finished for her, "Just a witch annoyed with the sudden mother henning attentions of a former professor."

Granger looked at him, her mouth hanging open in shock at his quip. He saw that small upturn of her lip again and was content that he would be leaving her in higher spirits. He smirked at her and closed the door behind him after his parting statement, "Too bad there's nothing she can do about it."


	5. Chapter 5

_This was originally almost 9k but I split it up, so hopefully the next chapter won't take so long. Also, I reworded a few things at the end of chapter one and fixed a small error in chapter two._

* * *

__pur·pose: the reason for which something exists._ _

* * *

Hermione had always known that a wizards magic was a living thing inside each of them, almost like a vital organ in the body. She had just never thought there would be a day that she could _feel_ it dying inside of her.

The first time she had felt it had been in Australia, in a little town by the water after another fruitless day of searching for her family. She had been alone and sitting on a park bench looking up at the sky as the horrid sense of failure washed over her; she remembers rubbing her chest as she took in the new and painful feeling that blossomed there behind her breast.

It hadn't been long after that day when she admitted to herself how weak she was becoming and was too afraid to continue Apparating, forced to return home before she got stranded alone in a foreign country. Harry and Ron had been happy to see her, both worried about her going alone to begin with, but wondered what had brought her back so soon when she had told them she would be there much longer. Putting on a brave face, she had told them that she had fallen ill, which wasn't the whole truth but not far from it. She was smart enough to notice that her weakened magic correlated with her mounting grief and with a little research she knew what was to come for her.

While in Australia Hermione had been using nothing but the most basic of spells for day to day use, saving her energy for the useless tracking spells that she knew wouldn't work but tried regardless in desperation. Returning home without her parents had caused a resentment to grow in her towards her magic and herself for failing. Just the sight of her wand made the guilt eat away at her and she stopped all together, accelerating the illness that had taken root.

She had gone to Hogwarts soon after.

It had scared her at first but she had kept it to herself, not wanting the worried attention of either of the boys. They both had enough stress from the training they were doing for the Aurors and didn't need to added trouble from her. They spoke regularly enough through Owl Post that it was easy for her to hide it in her letters and in a castle so large it was just as simple to keep it from the other residence. Until recently at least.

Hermione could feel the magic spark up in her though when her emotions ran high but it happened so little now it was easy to forget what it felt like each time. The magic overwhelming and eager to get out; neglected and yearning to be used again. When she was a child and it was still growing inside her it had been such a new and exciting experience, so different from the feelings it brought about in her now.

Hermione had felt that spark a few nights ago when Professor Snape refused to leave her be but it had gone away as quick as it had come as his stubbornness persisted and her exhaustion had won in the face of it.

It wasn't really Professor Snape anymore though.

Despite him giving her freedom to address him as a fellow adult, it felt a bit strange when she thought about calling him by his given name. Yet, at the same time he certainly wasn't the teacher she remembered and calling him such no longer felt quite right. Still snarky and irritable for sure, but more compassionate than she had ever seen him be. He had no obligation to her and he had every right to pass her off to someone else or ignore her completely, as she would much prefer, but he didn't. For a reason that was still a mystery to her, he had taken it upon himself to be a stand-in caretaker of sorts.

The man was still a wonder and spending as much time with him that she had lately was opening her eyes to different facets of him that she was never privy to as a student. He took great care when it came to the work that was set before him, and even though he became frustrated with her, he still took care of her when he thought she needed it; the first time he caught her in the corridor after hours and almost everyday since. He was stern but honest, and never cruel like she had known him to be in the past.

Speak of the devil, she heard the portrait door open, not even bothering to knock this time.

Unbelievable.

Hermione was laying on the couch with her head on the end closest to the door and his face appeared a couple feet above her own, staring down at her.

"Awake I see."

"Trying pretty hard not to be. I'm tired, go away please." Hermione closed her eyes again but she knew that it was hopeless in thinking that he would actually listen to her. She hadn't gotten much sleep the night before, restless and cold the whole night through. She had no sleep schedule to speak of now-a-days. When her mind and body shut down she wasn't awarded the same rest that actual sleep gave her.

"As opposed to any other day?" he said snidely.

Hermione shot him a glare at his unneeded comment and she saw him sigh heavily and come around to the side of the couch and reach a hand down for her to take.

"We'll be working on one of the few remaining outer corridors that need attention then I'll leave you alone the rest of the day," he said in a more patience tone.

It was tempting offer for sure, but she made him wait for a few moments just because she could, his hand hanging there in the air. If he planned on continuing to barge into her rooms uninvited and without warning he could stand to wait till she was good and ready. She conceded when he started to get impatient and jerked his hand in her direction once more. If she waited any longer she was afraid that he'd take it upon himself to haul her off the couch himself. At this point, she had no doubt that he would, with the memory of him and her shoes still fresh in her mind.

"Fine," she said with a tired sigh of her own and took his hand.

He pulled her up and told her to get her wand.

Hermione shook her head at that, "I can do without, thank you."

His eyes narrowed, "Despite what you want, Mis—" he stopped short, "you can't be caught without a wand. How exactly do you plan to explain it to anyone else in this castle? Because I can assure you that they'll be just as appalled by it as I am. Feel lucky I've let it slide till now."

Honestly, she felt anything but lucky but she kept her mouth shut. Years of experience has taught her to hold her tongue, to an extent, around this man. So she went to look for it instead of argue the point. _Pick your battles_ , she always told herself. Hermione remembered putting it in her bedside drawer and assumed she hadn't moved it since. Leaving Snape in the sitting room, she headed for her bedroom. Small and sparsely furnished, with the bedsheets a mess and clothes strewn about. Sure enough it was there, laying forgotten amid a few other odds and ends in the drawer. She stood looking at it for the longest time, missing it and hating it in equal measure. The day she first held the piece of wood in her hand had been one of the happiest of her life. It had pulsed in her hand, warm and welcoming. She had felt like she had made a new friend that day and it was something she could never forget.

She just didn't know at the time that it was a friend that could hurt and destroy; could kill. It could bring joy so simply but so much pain when used thoughtlessly.

"Hermione."

Hermione startled and spun to see Snape in her bedroom doorway, watching her calmly. He didn't say anything further, just waited as a silent support. She turned back to the drawer and took a breath and grabbed the wand, her fingers trembling. It was warm and she stowed it away quickly in the slim pocket that ran along the side of the long skirt she wore.

"I'll carry it but I won't be using it," she stated quietly as she turned back to the man standing behind her. By the look he was making she knew that he was going to argue, "It's called compromise," she told him.

His jaw muscles clenched as he went back to the sitting room but he didn't comment, simply grabbing her cloak off of the back of the couch and handing it to her as she slipped on her shoes.

Like the last few mornings, they were quiet as they walked to their destination, the only sound being the soft tread of their feet and the quiet chit-chat of some of the portraits as they walked past. It was a bright and cloudless morning, and the halls giving off only a slight chill. Looking at the man walking beside her, relaxed in both posture and features, it was almost pleasant.

Sensing her gaze he turned his head and caught her eye. Seeing her former Professor now, with the sun shining in through the window behind him and feeling his robe brush her hand with every step, she felt like things had changed. Maybe it was because of that night and his unexpected show of comfort or maybe it was everything that had happened between waking up in his quarters till this moment and she was just now noticing it. It made it easier to think of him as _Severus_ and not _Professor_ or any variant of an authority figure like she had for so many years. If only in her head. She was still unsure of how it would fell to speak it.

He looked almost amused by her continued observation of him and he quirked one eyebrow at her before returning his attention to where they were going.

 _No_ , she thought, _definitely not my Professor anymore._

* * *

Hermione was standing a few feet behind Snape as she watched him levitate and secure a stone slab in place for the archway they had been working on for the past hour or so. She had been spotting for him, making sure the stones were neat and level before letting the castle itself take care of the rest. He hadn't pushed her to use her wand and she had been grateful for it.

They hadn't felt a pressing need to fill the silence, only every so often giving and taking direction. She had learnt a lot about the castle since Snape had begun taking her along with him. It was a magical structure, through and through, and it was fascinating to watch as each stone fused themselves together when Snape would levitate them to their proper place, his wand work smooth and confident.

Hermione was watching him as he duplicated one of the curved stones that would finish off the archway at the top when she heard footsteps further down the hall. McGonagall was making her way toward them.

"Ah, Hermione, Severus, just the two I was hoping to find." She gave them both a cheery smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. She kept her focus on Hermione, making her uneasy.

"Well, you found us." Snape said blandly, not bothering to stop the work he was doing to give Headmistress McGonagall his full attention, "Surprise." She didn't seem to mind any, no doubt used to his style of dealing with people. Though, Hermione really wished he would try a bit harder to be attentive and help take some of the focus off of herself. He had been making her attend dinner each night in the Great Hall and it was easier to handle when there were other people present to keep the attention off of herself. McGonagall had always been curious and caring teacher and Hermione was afraid of her questions now. She had always looked up to the older witch. She was strong and fierce and the last thing Hermione wanted was for her to find out about what was happening. What would she think if she knew how weak she was? Nothing at all like the Gryffindor she was meant to be; like McGonagall had raised her to be. She would be disappointed to know the truth.

"Yes, I had heard that you were...assisting Severus in some of the castle repairs and I had wanted to check in a see how it was all going. He's not pulling you away from your work, is he dear?" McGonagall asked.

Snape cut in before Hermione could formulate a proper response, "The work needed to be done on the castle is more important at the moment, wouldn't you say, Miss Granger?" He shot her a quick glance, "If she's going to be staying here she needs to pull her own weight."

Hermione didn't take any offense to that. She knew why she was really there with him.

"Now, Severus." McGonagall said sternly, her eyes narrowing, "There's no need to be so harsh. I'm sure the work Miss Granger has been doing has just as much importance to her as the castle does and you needn't badger her if she's needed elsewhere."

The guilt Hermione felt at that statement made her drop her eyes from McGonagall and she let them continue to bicker. McGonagall had always been someone she respected and hearing the evidence of her dishonesty with her made her cheeks heat in shame.

She could see Snape lower his arm slowly and turn towards McGonagall and was silent for a few moments. "That may be, Minerva, but I needed the help and she's surprisingly less irritating then most of the staff here. I refused to be stuck in the library with Pince longer than necessary."

At that Hermione looked up and gave him a dry look with a raised brow. "I'm flattered," she said under her breath, and suppressed the strange urge to laugh at his backhanded compliment.

McGonagall seemed unimpressed as she scolded him again, "Really, Severus," she sighed, turning to Hermione once more she laid a gentle hand on her arm. She had that pinched concerned look about her, "I trust everything has continued to be alright with your stay?" Hermione gave her a small nod, "We haven't had the chance to really talk and if you need anything dear, don't hesitate to ask. Know you're always welcome to stop by for a chat," she finished softly.

Hermione gave her a small smile, "Of course, Headmistress."

McGonagall returned the smile, "It's Minerva now, dear," she said kindly, "And Severus, if you could stop by my office after dinner tonight, I would like to have a quick word."

He grumbled his assent and with a pat to Hermione's arm and another stern look towards Snape, she was on her way down the hall once more.

Both of them watched as she walked away and Hermione let out a breath and turned back to Snape expecting them to continue where they had left off, except he was looking at her as if waiting for her to say something.

"What?" she questioned, not unkindly.

He studied her for a moment before giving a slight shrug and turned back to the archway.

"I use to study here," he said out of the blue when they—he—had finished, both of them standing back to admire the finished archway.

Hermione looked at the spot around the arch where the newly replaced door stood that led out to some of the greenhouses. There were beautiful clear windows on either side with a bench sat off to the right in it's own little niche, with the sun pouring down.

"The lighting is perfect," she said, imagining herself studying in a place like this and she wasn't at all surprised that he had chosen such a place in his time at school. Hermione was coming to learn that he was a man who gave little of himself away and only in tiny breadcrumbs. She was enjoying every little bit he was giving her.

He looked satisfied as he placed his hands in his robe pockets, "Yes. Yes it is."

"I did most of my studies in the library. There was something comforting about having all that knowledge at my disposal, but I would have liked a place like this." She saw Snape out of the corner of her eye, nodding his head in agreement.

They stood there together in the sun for a while, enjoying the view through the windows. Snape nudged his arm gently into her own before moving around her to walk down the corridor and Hermione followed after him without a word.

* * *

Hermione jerked awake when she felt a hand on her shoulder. Snape was standing over her, and for a brief moment she caught a look of almost panic on his face. Without thought she reached a hand up and placed it over the one that was still resting on her shoulder in a show of reassurance that she was fine.

Snape slowly took a step back away from the couch where she was laying, his hand slipping out from under hers, "It's time for supper."

True to his word, Snape had walked Hermione back to her rooms shortly after their run in with McGonagall. He made her list ways that she could keep herself busy and finally convinced him when she mentioned that she needed to Owl both the boys. Which she did in fact manage to do.

Rubbing at her eyes she got up without complaint. She wasn't hungry in the slightest, but she had no choice but to placate him. She tucked her hair behind her ears and shook her robes out, trying to look less rumpled. She hadn't bothered to remove her robes or shoes from that morning before falling asleep on the couch.

"I'll be sorely disappointed if you did nothing but sleep the afternoon away," he said quietly halfway to the Hall.

"I didn't, honestly. I wrote to both Harry and Ron, just as I said I would. I must have...dozed off after that. I don't quite remember," she finished, almost ashamed to admit her lack of recollection. It bothered her that his opinion of her still mattered a great deal. She was afraid that it always would.

"When did you fall asleep?" he questioned, frowning.

Shrugging, "I'm not sure. A few hours after you left?" She didn't want to talk about it anymore and quickened her pace, hoping to reach the Hall before it could go further.

She was a step ahead of him and she heard him sigh behind her. "I shouldn't have left."

Hermione shook her head at that, stopping in the middle of the corridor and turned to face him. "No," she said, holding up a hand to stop him, "You can't expect to keep me within eyesight 24/7. You had a life before me." She shook her head again, not meaning it the way it had sounded and tried to correct herself, "Before you made the choice to be my own personal keeper, you had your own things to do. There's absolutely no need for you to change that because of me."

He was quiet for the longest time, making Hermione shift restlessly. Snape had tilted his chin up slightly at her words, staring over her shoulder. "You're right," he finally said, "I did make that choice." He lowered his gaze to hers and took a step closer, standing in front of her. "And I will stand by it." His voice and gaze held such conviction that Hermione could do nothing but nod, stunned. So close she could see how dark his eyes were and how expressive his face truly was. With just a slight tilt of his brows she could tell what mood he was in and knew he found humor in something when his eyes closed just a touch at the corners. Now, they were full and steady on her own and she knew how serious he was taking all of this.

How could this man want to fight so badly for her? She still didn't understand and couldn't wrap her head around it. Anyone else would chalk it up to her being his former student, feeling an obligation to make sure she was well, but Hermione knew it was something else. She just didn't know what exactly.

His eyes softened as he took in her wrinkled clothes and he reached in his sleeve and pulled out his wand. She could feel his magic tingle on her skin as it flowed from her shoulders and down over her clothes, smoothing them out along the way.

"Shall we continue?" he asked, moving around her as if nothing at all had happened.

Hermione stood there for a moment longer, running her hands over her newly pressed robes. She could be imagining it, but she thought she could still feel his magic lingering on her and it was alluring.

She snapped out of it as Snape moved further away from her and she shook out her hands as if dispelling water from them, trying to be rid of the feeling. Quickening her pace she made it to his side as they made it to the Entrance Hall and he pulled the doors open and motioned for her to enter before him. The head table was mostly full already and their combined chatter was echoing off of the walls in the empty space.

Hermione sat and ate quickly and as sparsely as she could manage with Snape sitting across from her, pretending not to watch her every few minutes. All the talk around them was slowly getting to her and all she wanted was to get back to her room where it was quiet and she didn't feel like she was suffocating. When any of the others at the table directed their conversation to her she felt like they were talking behind glass; muffled and hard to understand. It was different when it was just Snape and her. It was easy and she wasn't afraid of slipping up and showing too much of herself. He knew more about her than anyone else at that point.

Here, around everyone else it was uncomfortable, feeling like life was moving on around her while she was still and left behind. When enough time had passed and it was appropriate for her to make her leave, she stood and bid goodnight to those next to her. She didn't look at Snape as she got up but she knew without a doubt that he would be on her heals within moments.

Making it out the giant double doors of the Great Hall she stuck her hands in her robe pockets and let out a breath, feeling like she was coming up for air after being under water for too long. She made it a few paces down the corridor and sure enough she heard the doors open once more behind her. Slowing her pace a bit she felt him slide up next to her, his robe brushing up against her arm. She looked at him as they continued to walk, "You didn't need to leave. You could have kept eating."

"I was done and listening to Sprout and Hooch's yammering for one more second would have brought on a headache that I didn't feel like dealing with."

Turning back to the corridor, Hermione smiled to herself, not at all surprised by his excuse.

The journey up to her rooms was quiet but when they reached her portrait door Snape reached into his robe and pulled out a small cloth bundle wrapped in twine and handed it to her, without a word. Hermione held it in hand, confused about what exactly she was holding. Taking his wand, Snape tapped the bundle lightly, removing the stasis charm that had been placed on it and she was immediately assaulted by the smell of herbs that must have been hidden inside the cloth. It was a soothing and fragrant smell and she felt calm just standing there holding it. She looked up at Snape in surprise, her mouth agape.

She knew this smell.

 _He remembered_ , she thought, feeling tears prickle behind her eyes. She had mentioned that she use to make this for herself when things were difficult at school and being away from home. Hermione was utterly speechless. Whether he intended it or not, she was touched by such a kindness from him. Yes, for weeks now he had taking time out of his day to take care of her but this was different; it was on a personal level she didn't expect. He had made this _for her_.

Even though he appeared that this gift to her was of little importance to him, he wouldn't meet her eyes as he spoke, "You said you once made this to help you sleep at night. Since you seem to have picked up a ridiculous habit of nodding off during the day, I thought it would help in regulating your sleep at night."

Hermione was holding the bundle as if it were something to be treasured and as she brought it up to her face the aromas rose up to great her. It was heavenly and she fought the urge to hug this man, who had taken the time to make this for her, who had a small idea of what it would mean to receive it.

"Since you commandeered the book needed to make the bundle you did in the past, I had to rely on memory. It should suffice regardless." His voice was soft and smooth and paired with the scents that were clouding around her, she was taken by the thought that she could stand there listening to him speak for hours and she could be happy.

How could she possibly thank him for this? For something that she didn't even realize she needed so badly. Hermione looked down at the bundle in her hands and fingered the edge of the cream cloth, a small tear making it's way down one cheek. "Thank you," she said quietly, catching his eye as she looked up and tried to put as much meaning into those two words that she possibly could. She knew that they were inadequate, but it was all she had to offer him at that moment. She hoped she got across how much it meant to her. Getting this gift from him soothed all the hurt he may have caused her in the past.

Her fingers and palms were warm and tingling and she could feel the magic pulsing just beneath the surface of her skin as if it wanted to get as close to the healing power she was holding as possible. It took her breath away to feel it again.

He nodded stiffly. "I believe I have a date with our Headmistress," he sighed, rolling his eyes.

It was amusing to see him so unenthused at the idea and Hermione couldn't help the smile that took form.

"Sleep well, Hermione," he bid her quietly, and turned to make his way back the way he had come.

Hermione took a deep breath, "Goodnight, Severus," she said quietly as she watched him walk away. Whether he had heard her or not, it was a relief for her to finally get his name out and to know it wasn't at all strange and unfamiliar as she had feared it would be.

* * *

"Tea?"

McGonagall had taken a seat in one of the chairs before the office fireplace and Severus took the other with a nod to her. He was preoccupied with thoughts of Hermione, like he had been the entire trek to the office. The look of utter surprise on her face as she realized what it was that he had given her had warmed him. He hadn't anticipated that reaction from her, but he was pleased by it all the same. He had made the bundle the night before on a whim, unable to sleep himself and tired of pacing back and forth in his rooms. Thinking about different calming droughts he could make he had remembered when Hermione had stood in the library, telling him of her own way to sleep when she was at school. It had seemed like a good idea at the time and he supposed it had paid off.

Severus had heard her quiet goodnight as he had walked away and he was fairly sure that she hadn't intended for him to hear, but he had smiled as he walked away when he caught the quiet utterance of his name. He hadn't realized he had been waiting for her to say it until he finally heard her speak it. He had noticed her avoidance of calling him anything for days now.

"How have things been going so far? I heard from Pince that the library is back in order. She didn't say in too many words but I gather that we have you to thank for it." She looked at him over her spectacles and smiled.

"I've done all I can, Pince will send off any books that we were unable to fix. What is the real reason for calling me here, Minerva?" He had always been good at spotting a persons true intentions and he had a pretty good idea of what her's were. Idle chit-chat would only make him anxious.

She sighed, lowering her cup, "Believe it or not Severus, I do enjoy your company. There doesn't always have to be a reason to talk to you."

"And yet, there is." He balanced his tea on his knee and waited for her to get on with it. Minerva and him had always been close since he started his teaching career at the school and though things had been strained and damaging for the past few years, they had mended things between them. He enjoyed her company, he wouldn't deny that, but this wasn't a social call and they both knew it.

She set her own tea aside, raising her hands in a show of surrender before folding them neatly in her lap. "I've come to understand that you have spent quite a lot of time with Miss Granger here lately, which surprises me I have to say." Severus didn't comment at that, so she continued, "A few days ago she was seen acting oddly and I was told you were present. Is she alright, Severus? I've inquired with her many times on how she is doing but I feel she isn't telling me the truth."

Minerva looked worried and Severus wasn't sure what he was going to tell her. Sharing with her the issues Hermione was facing wasn't something he was willing to do. Her pain was private and he knew that she wouldn't take it kindly if she knew that he was sharing them with her former Head of House.

"She had been holed up in her quarters for too long and she was being difficult when I went to fetch her assistance. It's nothing to worry about, Minerva, I assure you." Taking a sip of his tea he watched and hoped it was good enough to placate her.

Giving a nod she asked curiously, "Why is that, Severus? What made you seek her out, of all people?" The common knowledge of his dislike for the girl and her friends while they were at school was left unsaid. Though, if asked now and if he were willing to be honest, he didn't think he had an ounce of dislike left in regards to her. She wasn't the same and neither was he.

He tried not to be too bothered by her questioning, knowing that it was harmless on her part. He'd be asking the same thing if he were in her spot, but he couldn't very well tell her the truth.

He shrugged his shoulders a bit in feigned nonchalance, "As I said, I could use the help and she's the least objectionable at the present time."

Minerva hummed a bit under her breath and Severus could tell that she didn't quite buy his less than solid explanation.

"I can't help be feel like there is something you aren't telling me, Severus," she said softly.

He didn't cower. The woman could ask all the questions she wanted, state in however many ways that she knew he wasn't telling the whole truth, but he still wouldn't spill Hermione's secrets.

"I trust you to tell me if there is something I need to know."

How unnerving it was to hear how much she sounded like Albus in that moment. Too many times he had been in this very office having that man bend his will with words of _trust_ and _faith_. He had done everything he could to please that man and not let him down. Even when Severus didn't agree with what he wanted, Albus would find a way to remind him of his past mistakes and appeal to his need for redemption. He had almost died for his sins and he had paid a heavy price in the end for that redemption and his time in servitude was done. It would be his choice and his alone when he felt the need to share information.

"Have a good evening, Minerva." He tipped his head down in farewell, and left.

Walking down the dark hallway with nothing but a few sconces lit and the light of the moon shining in, he thought of Granger again. That morning when Minerva had found them both and asked to speak with him privately later, he had fully expected Hermione to mention it and inquire on whether he was going to say anything to Minerva about her or not. But she hadn't.

She demanded nothing from him and he was drawn to her for it. The less she asked of him the more he was willing to give of himself and his time. Never once had she asked him to not tell, to keep quiet about what he knew. And with that, he knew that she trusted him enough not to. She let him invade her life. Did what he asked her to do with little complaint on good days. She kept the password to her quarters the same.

And because of that unspoken trust in him, he would keep her secrets.

**Author's Note:**

> There's a good chance I'll be posting teasers for the story on my Tumblr, [merelywren](http://merelywren.tumblr.com/).
> 
> Also posted on [FF.net](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10670987/1/Purpose), if you prefer reading it there.


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